Dear All, In 1833 the head of the U.S. Patent Office resigned because he thought everything of significance had already been invented. And then along came the automobile, the telephone, the aeroplane, television, microwave ovens, video recorders, computers, and, of course, the World Wide Web, courtesy of which you are not only receiving this webpage but no doubt also a host of internet scams. I have been receiving my fair share of them all of which I have collected in a folder labelled "Get-Rich-Quick-Schemes" which makes fascinating reading. There they sit, those emails from a Chief Magna Yamani, Usman Yakubu,Ken Jonas Savimbi, Dr. Sani Toro, Joseph Mobutu Sese-Seko, and many, many others. Most of them are from Nigeria and they offer me a cut of some money that was stolen or otherwise misappropriated and for which they need my help to get it out of the country. They, of course, want their own cut of the money that they claim will be wired to my personal bank account and I am expected, equally predictably, to pay them their share up front (or at least a large chunk of their expenses). The money, of course, will never arrive in my bank. Or will it? You may wish to try your luck and let me know, won't you? I am Barrister Kanario Chukwu, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr. Jonathan C. Sanderson who used to work with Shell Development Company here in Nigeria. Here in after shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2001, my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to his country's embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives without success. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family or someone who share the same surname with him, hence my contacting you. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposit were lodged. Particularly, the finance company where the deceased had an account valued at about 12 million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next thirty official working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you bear the same lastname so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you and then you and me can share the money. 70% to me and 30% to you. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me through email for further discussion or explanation. Best regards, Barrister Kanario Chukwu (In this particular case, I decided not to claim my share of $3.6 million as I have received much better scams offering me in excess of $9 million!!!) The four of us have just come back from a 500km round trip down the South Coast and back.  We drove as far south as Eden with stops at Narooma, Tilba Tilba, Bermagui (where they made the film "The Man Who Sued God" with Billy Connolly), Bega and Pambula.  We spent the night in the Cobargo Pub where we mixed with the local cow cockies. The room was nothing flash - in fact, the Gideon Bible on the bedside table was about the only thing not worn out! - but it was warm and cosy! The weather was perfect and some of the scenery absolutely stunning! With best wishes from the Riverbend Quartet! Peter & Padma & Malty & Rover Thursday, 5 June 2003   PREVIOUS LETTER   NEXT LETTER